I’ve ruminated on this post all week. So much has gone through my mind, but I’m also nearly numb from the overwhelming amount of content available to us all as our country reckons with our past and our very real, very unjust present. I feel like a turtle in times like these: I freeze in the face of so much to take in, digest, and act upon. Quick reactions are not my forte. But I don’t have a shell like a turtle, that’s for sure. (Is there a soft-shell crab version of a turtle?) I am, right now, deep in struggle with questions of how to best be a human on earth in 2020.
There are things of which I am certain, but they are few:
- Black Lives Matter, and in the United States of America, we have never lived up to that truth.
- White people have benefited from this fact in incalculable ways, and as long as it remains to be true, we are complicit in its continuance.
- There are only two ways to substantially address these issues: systemic change, that is both deep and broad, or revolution.
- The need is urgent, but neither of these options can happen as quickly or as cleanly as it needs to, which means, that suffering will continue until real change is a reality.
- I want to do the right thing in the face of all these facts, and I am overwhelmed with the question of how.
- Overwhelmed or not, it is not about me.
As I said above, I spent a lot of time this week thinking about what to post. Most of the time I was mapping out ways to share my thoughts in the form of grand proclamations or thought-provoking stories. I could share lots of anecdotes or quotes or all kinds of things that are already being said on Facebook, Twitter, and the evening news. I could tell you of the actions I’ve tried to take this week, to do my part. But you’ve heard all that already. I have little unique to say.
I have noticed, however, that among family and friends, we are having a range of experiences and I sense that beyond the social media posts there are a LOT of questions and internal struggles. Those questions and struggles matter to moving forward.
I could share a lot of resources about how to get involved, what to read, what policies are being proposed, and who is advocating what. But I don’t just want to blast out information. I’ve spent some very unproductive time this week trying to interpret things that various people have put out into the world. Instead, I want to hear what would be most helpful: what questions are you struggling with? What have you heard or read or watched that is sticking in your mind (or heart)? What do you want to know more about? Where do you need support? What doesn’t make sense to you?
There is both a lot of noise and a lot of truth available to us right now and it is not easy to discern between the two. I invite you to comment, or message me privately, to share the things that are on your mind, and I will engage. I may not have the answers, but it is imperative that we keep the conversation going.
In the mean time, I am praying mightily for safety and sustenance for those who’ve been denied, and humility, commitment, and readiness for those of us who’ve had more than our share.
Oh, Sandi, what parallel thoughts we have. I’m overwhelmed too and just taking small steps here and there where I can find ways to contribute. It all just looks and feels so big.
One thing I’m doing is talking with my dad in a more in-depth level about systemic racism and why we got here. His approach is very rational and very logical, so I have to come to the discussion with data and backup data and research about why my data and sources are neutral, etc. It’s work for me because I tend to intuit versus articulate but it is worthwhile. I’m not the person crowds of protestors want to hear from – nor should I be – so right now, I’m compiling data or trying to find easy ways to explain the depth of historic racism in this country.
I know there are great stores of information out there and I just need to go get it. But that’s also overwhelming because all of a sudden I’m flooded with all of it. I need to put on my big girl pants and wade into the fray.
Ultimately, I think that, while I’ll do my best to find the information and sources, for me it’s going to come down to the conversation of “because no one deserves to be impacted by racism” and “we need to care about it because to not care about it is sickening.” Sometimes the most logical things are the hardest to explain.
Thank you for being you and doing your work and writing your life.
It’s so interesting the ways we are all persuaded toward change in different ways. Sometimes you hear arguments that “no data will every change someone’s mind if they’re convinced otherwise”. And I’ve seen studies about how easily we humans can dismiss even the clearest evidence. But what I love about what you wrote is that you are talking about one person, who is close to you, which means you have a better sense of what will work.
The leaders of the organization I have been most involved in – Nehemiah – talk a lot about the importance of simply exploring these topics within our own spheres of influence. I think that’s so true. And then it gets very overwhelming when you hear a million directives about how to do it. That frustrates me and I have to remember to trust my gut with the people and spaces that I know best, try things out, know I may not get it right, and just stay in fray, as you say.
Thank you so much for sharing that!