These are intense times, everyone figuring out how to physically interact with as few people as possible as we collectively try to contain the spread of Covid-19. It’s stressful and anxiety provoking and strange. People react very differently, both from each other and from themselves from one moment to the next. I know that I am not normally anxious person at all, and I have never experienced nerve-fray quite like this. My hope is that after this initial period of adjustment to a temporary but indefinite way of life, we will settle into new rhythms and maybe within those rhythms pieces of ourselves that have been crowded out by the busy-ness of life can emerge.

I had my appendix out about five years ago. At the time, I had a very demanding job and was under a great deal of stress. There’s never an ideal time to have surgery, and this was no exception. But something interesting happened in the 10 days I spent at home recovering. I worked a couple hours every morning and then alternated rest, reading and TV for most of the day after that. It was July and sometimes I went out to our patio to get a little sun. Halfway through that time, I noticed something: I got lost in the books I read in a way I hadn’t since I was a child. I found myself inspired by things I saw or thought about. I watched nature in my yard and daydreamed. I felt excited about life in a way I hadn’t for years.

Then life shifted back into gear and I was soon tired and irritable and moving through my days with no room for that sort of lightness.

Until a couple weeks last summer when I found things just sort of cleared up for a little bit and a similar thing happened. Not being so bogged down gave me energy I don’t usually feel like I have. When I wasn’t expending it on other things, I felt more myself, more connected with who I really am. I’ve been thinking of it as something that happens when I stumble on or create a little “space” in my life. Some of my favorite things about myself seem to bubble up, and it’s lovely.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a really great life. And I’m not generally an unhappy person. But these experiences reminded me that even within a happy life, we can lose track of some of the things that make us most who we are.

I know that for so many of you, things are more chaotic right now than ever with work and family colliding into small spaces rife with anxiety and uncertainty. I know this may feel unimaginable right now, but I am hoping as we move into new routines and a new way of life this will become part of your reality.

Wishing everyone much love, safety, and strength.